Being a Christian can be difficult at times -- especially when the world around you seems largely out of touch with your needs. Dating and finding a suitable lifemate, for example, can be fraught with problems because you don't want to get deeply emotionally invested in someone that isn't compatible with your faith and goals -- so you have to approach every new relationship as if it could be forever.
How do you evaluate your next budding romance to see if it is something into which you want to invest your time, energy, and heart?
1. Think About Your Spiritual Beliefs
Obviously, when your faith is that important to you, you want your new love interest to be a Christian -- but there are many varieties of Christians out there. You need to look carefully at what the other person means when he or she says, "I'm a Christian," instead of just accepting the words at face value and assuming you both mean the same thing by it.
Do you hold the same beliefs about the role of men and women in the household? Do you have the same beliefs regarding forgiveness and tolerance? Do you both have the same level of dedication to the church? If not, what areas can you compromise on and do those compromises make you feel untrue to your relationship with God?
2. Examine How Conflict Resolution Works
Couples, even Christian ones, are bound to get angry at each other from time to time. You may even verbally spar over things once in a while.
What are your expectations when it comes to conflict resolution? Do you both have the same ideas about how things should be handled? Do you both know how to speak respectfully to each other and listen to what the other has to say? Do you agree on what should happen if you come to an impasse on a subject?
3. Look At Your Top Priorities
What are your top priorities in this life? If, for example, you plan on dedicating a few years to missionary work, does your potential mate support that? Do you both want children right away or is it more important to you that you're financially stable first? If so, how exactly do you define financial stability? If you and your significant other don't see eye-to-eye on these kinds of critical issues, you may not be a good match for each other.
4. Be Proactive in Discussing Needs
There are a lot of ways that a young Christian couple can use to determine if they might be right for each other. You could try the following options.
- Group meetings held at your church for members of the congregation within your age group can allow you to freely exchange your ideas about different topics in a low-stress setting.
- Counseling sessions with your pastor or minister can help you determine if you have any areas of conflict that you're overlooking.
- Group dating with another couple in your age group can help open discussions up and provoke thoughts about the future.
- There are a number of Christian workbooks specifically designed to help couples discuss the issues and challenges they may face with careers, their faith, intimacy, finances, and other major concerns.
Consider checking with your pastor or a local Christian book store for information on the best workbooks available or to find out what meetings are being held in your area.
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